Sunshine

Every time I walk away I can feel it

I feel the warmth

I feel the glow

Like Sunshine drowning out the rain

The feeling I get when I hear your voice

Vibrations of happiness run through my body

The spirit that follows is uplifting and touches something inside

Im left with the effect

Like sunshine creeping over the trees and showing me the way

Just seeing your face tells me something

like a secret, I realize something's missing

Something beautiful, something crazy, something that brings peace

Someone illuminated

Like the sun waking up and showing me things I could never see

The sunshine comes but she always leaves

Leaving a shadow, leaving me wanting

Leaving me waiting until the next time I see your beautiful face

Everyday

I feel like im sinking, just losing my shit thinking about all the sex i think i shoild be having

All the pretty people

The spit

The sweat

All the beautiful people

Its ridiculous, just an addiction ruining my life

Bondage and intrusive thought patterns

Running the show, calling the shots. Telling me what i can and will not do

Who I will be

 

Need

I want to drink shots with you and howl at the moon.

nasty things, entire pages, whispers in the dark

Come a little closer so i can feel your scent and watch your lips as you read things considered obscene and talk about the beauty

Make me see.

I want to be myself, let it all go, cast away my skin and bare my soul.

Your fire inside has me sweating and thinking how your body would move

Talking and screaming

Reading and fucking 

Licking and drooling

Read your poem and show it to me

Ride on top

say it loud

dance that little body round and round

Words with passion ignite my mind

Let me experience this connection from the inside

See your mind

Feel the need

lose myself Inside your wet dream

your flesh on top of mine, breath rushing through my ears

whisper things we cannot see

Bite my lip

and make me stare

see beyond the beautiful mess of sweat and hair.

Sitting next to you on the big chair, feeling your hand brush my skin

reading me things about streets and cock and beats running about.

I wanted to grab you underneath that blue and white poke a dot blouse

Let me taste

Give me more

Violate the rules

Who cares what other people do

Lets disappear

And lose ourselves tonight

Space

Somewhere far away

things that dont exist

life lived in space

Just shit covered in dust

Spending every day making plans that never happen

Planning things that never come about

My head is filled with the possibilities

Filled with fear

Paralyzed by the outcome, one i couldn't possibly see.

Moving between times, in-between realities, 

But its not real is it, it doesnt exist, it cant hurt me now

oh please

tell me that some other day

All I see is behind me, nothing but ashes of what use to be but the fires still burning deep,

As if it were yesterday

its always yesterday

Stuck in a loop, feelings of regret, digusting scenarios

Things that cant be changed, things that cant hurt me 

Why is it still so real, hard to forget

Blinding lights preventing my eyes to see whats in front of me,

This moment escapes me

I cant lock it down

Cant tap in

Living in outer space in a distant time, one that cant hurt because its just fantasy

But it tries to overcome me

Preventing peace in the day, no clarity in the now

Unable to touch the air in front of me

Stuck in my head

Twisted in a dream

Of a day thats either gone or not happening

Tears at the sanity of living in today

Fantasy

Youve been searching for this fantasy your whole damn life

cosmic bullshit.

Perfection

a Hollywood dreamscape scenario

Will you give it all away, spend your life chasing something you cant quite grasp

Bet it all on chance

 a person

something i will never have.

Ill tell you what i want

my fucking fantasy

thats easy.

I want a sweet little package created just for me.

Sounds turned down

Penetrating looks

a touch that feels magnetic

Feelings out of this world

my need for you is dominating everything rational, the depths of my soul.

This connection feels fatal, theres nothing to lose just futures to gain.

Someone to travel this path and not die alone

feel the same 

Alone

Will I be here forever.

Sitting alone in a bar wishing you were here, that anyone was here.

Will it be this way forever

Wondering why, what happened in my past that put me here

Will i be here forever

Looking around to see if im not alone in being alone

Is this all there is, is this all i have?

Will it be this way forever.

Sitting alone, looking around with hopefull eyes,

Wondering when she will walk in, take me out of this bad dream and realize the fantasy.

Will I be here forever

Paying for companionship, tipping for looks

Developing relationships based on nothing but bullshit.

Will it be this way forever

Will i always be here, sitting in a stool reserved for a spot in solitude

Having a drink and wondering why, is this a normal life, longing for connection but barely willing to try

Will I be here forever

Staring but trying not to be seen

Unable to talk about the weather, coming across as rude, sometimes even obscene

This personality feels like a prison

Always wanting but feeling inadequate for having

Will it be this way forever

Will she ever walk in, take me to a different scene.

Wash away this sin, look me in the eye and tell me everything is meant to be

Will i be here forever

Paying the toll, trying to make up for what ive lost but not realizing im just digging a fucking  hole

Will it be this way forever

Will I someday feel at peace

Will i learn how to love myself and stop looking for external relief

Will I be here forever

Stuck in my bullshit, just empty fucking grief.

Will it be this way forever

Oh Poor fucked up me

Vulnerable

All this time has passed.

I didnt realize that I might not see you again

Somewhere inside of me it existed as a possibility.

But not one im willing to accept, not yet.

I was able to see you and you may not know this but you saw me, and thats no small feat.

Its never easy

Not like it was that night.

Im a little messed up thinking about being near you, being me in your presence again.

Feeling comfortable being seen.

I want you to like me, I cant deny it, i fell, its deep.

The fear of times pass has me thinking I should say this or be that, something to catch her eye anything to see that beautiful smile

Put together a crafty plan, organize my feelings and decide which ones come out to play, if any at all. I mean who really likes a sentimental guy anyway.

You see, I live with regets, Ive suffered the loss of what could have been, something gone but I never know what.

I wont let this slip by, this chance, an opportunity to just let it be, to be myself without a plan, no clever ideas, or ways to attract. Just show this desire and my need for something deeper than the usual haunts.

A chance to believe in the possibility

Just hold on for another week, silence that voice telling you things it couldnt possibly see.