Need

I want to drink shots with you and howl at the moon.

nasty things, entire pages, whispers in the dark

Come a little closer so i can feel your scent and watch your lips as you read things considered obscene and talk about the beauty

Make me see.

I want to be myself, let it all go, cast away my skin and bare my soul.

Your fire inside has me sweating and thinking how your body would move

Talking and screaming

Reading and fucking 

Licking and drooling

Read your poem and show it to me

Ride on top

say it loud

dance that little body round and round

Words with passion ignite my mind

Let me experience this connection from the inside

See your mind

Feel the need

lose myself Inside your wet dream

your flesh on top of mine, breath rushing through my ears

whisper things we cannot see

Bite my lip

make me stare

see beyond the beautiful mess of sweat and hair.

Sitting next to you on the big chair, feeling your hand brush my skin

reading me things about streets and cock and beats running about.

I wanted to grab you underneath that blue and white poke a dot blouse

wrestle to the floor

Let me taste

Give me more

Violate

Fuck wrong or right

disappear

lose our selves tonight

Space

Somewhere far away

things that dont exist

life lived in space

Just shit covered in dust

Spending every day making plans that never happen

Planning things that never come about

My head is filled with the possibilities

Filled with fear

Paralyzed by the outcome, one i couldn't possibly see.

Moving between times, in-between realities, 

But its not real is it, it doesnt exist, it cant hurt me now

oh please

tell me that some other day

All I see is behind me, nothing but ashes of what use to be but the fires still burning deep,

As if it were yesterday

its always yesterday

Stuck in a loop, feelings of regret, digusting scenarios

Things that cant be changed, things that cant hurt me 

Why is it still so real, hard to forget

Blinding lights preventing my eyes to see whats in front of me,

This moment escapes me

I cant lock it down

Cant tap in

Living in outer space in a distant time, one that cant hurt because its just fantasy

But it tries to overcome me

Preventing peace in the day, no clarity in the now

Unable to touch the air in front of me

Stuck in my head

Twisted in a dream

Of a day thats either gone or not happening

Tear away the sanity of living in today

Fantasy

Youve been searching for this fantasy your whole damn life

cosmic bullshit.

Perfection

a Hollywood dreamscape scenario

Will you give it all away, spend your life chasing something you cant quite grasp

Bet it all on chance

 a person

something i will never have.

Ill tell you what i want

my fucking fantasy

thats easy.

I want a sweet little package created just for me.

The Sounds turned down

Penetrating looks

a touch that feels magnetic

Feelings out of this world

my need for you is dominating everything rational, the depths of my soul.

This connection feels fatal, theres nothing to lose just futures to gain.

Someone to travel this path and not die alone

feel the same 

Alone

Will I be here forever.

Sitting alone in a bar wishing you were here, that anyone was here.

Will it be this way forever

Wondering why, what happened in my past that put me here

Will i be here forever

Looking around to see if im not alone in being alone

Is this all there is, is this all i have?

Will it be this way forever.

Sitting alone, looking around with hopefull eyes,

Wondering when she will walk in, take me out of this bad dream and realize the fantasy.

Will I be here forever

Paying for companionship, tipping for looks

Developing relationships based on nothing but bullshit.

Will it be this way forever

Will i always be here, sitting in a stool reserved for a fucking spot in solitude

Having a drink and wondering why, is this a normal life, longing for connection but barely willing to try

Will I be here forever

Staring but trying not to be seen

Unable to talk about the weather, coming across as rude, sometimes even obscene

This personality feels like a prison

Always wanting but feeling inadequate for having

Will it be this way forever

Will she ever walk in, take me to a different scene.

Wash away this sin, look me in the eye and tell me everything will be alright

Will i be here forever

Paying the toll, trying to make up for what ive lost but not realizing im digging a fucking  hole

Will it be this way forever

Will I someday feel at peace

Will i learn how to love myself and stop looking for external relief

Will I be here forever

Stuck in my bullshit, just empty fucking grief.

Will it be this way forever

Oh god

Fuck me

Vulnerable

All this time has passed.

(Its literally only been like a week!)

I didnt realize that I might not see you again

Somewhere inside of me it existed as a possibility.

But not one im willing to accept, not yet.

I was able to see you and you may not know this but you saw me, and thats no small feat.

Its never easy

Not like it was that night.

Im a little messed up thinking about being near you, being me in your presence again.

Feeling comfortable being seen.

I want you to like me, I cant deny it, i fell, its deep.

The fear of times pass has me thinking I should say this or be that, something to catch her eye anything to see that beautiful smile

Put together a crafty plan, organize my feelings and decide which ones come out to play, if any at all. I mean who really likes a sentimental guy anyway.

You see, I live with regets, Ive suffered the loss of what could have been, something gone but I dont know what.

I wont let this slip by, this chance, an opportunity to just let it be, to be myself without a plan, no clever ideas, or ways to attract. Just show this desire and my need for something deeper than the usual haunts.

A chance to believe in the possibility

Just hold on for another week, silence that voice telling you things it couldnt possibly see.

Bored

My boredom fills this loneliness

Its bigger than me

Living feels hopeless

life again seems like a distant dream

Im stuck, i cant move, my fear and melancholy are trying to take me

I want to live but I dont know how

Im always longing for something unable to see the beauty in front of me

In my boredom a tiny lump feels like a mountain of insanity

I cant shake this feeling, i guess ill just have another drink

Cheers

A letter to Sylvina

Meeting You last week had a tremendous effect on me.

Part of it was a sense of something missing, a feeling of loss,

Your energy and spirit made me realize that Im living in a cage, and I want to be free.

I feel this cage was built from years of denial and insecurity

Watching you that night, feeling your openness, and listening to your words sparked something inside of me.

I want to dance.

to break free.

I want to sing outloud and not realize people are watching.

that I was watching.

I want to read poetry and allow someone to read me.

I want to have fun for the sake of having fun and not just because Im getting old and its what we're told to do.

I want to write about a girl, and read it outloud.

I want to love romantically without holding back.

Your presence was so refreshing and the freedom you have is what i imagine ive been searching for.

When you left that night, there was a vacuum, and in this gap, i saw those things and that they've been missing within me for years, if ever I had them at all.

I felt a little nervous, like, "can she see this cage ive built around myself"

Will she think Im a lost cause.

you walked in and I saw a pretty face with a nice body, and I noticed you were alone

You sat a few seats away, and I started to watch from the corner of my eye

You had all these books and paper and pen. You were wearing headphones and singing and writing, and not caring.

after a few glances and shots back and forth, I found myself siting next to you and began to see so much more.

I noticed your legs and how they were crossed, the bruise on your left knee.

the curve of  your shoulders with faint tan lines running across.

your smooth complexion 

perfect mix of color.

The confidence in your smile

Comfort in your own skin

You were beautiful, emenating vibrations of a care free youth.

As if you held the key to everything in life remaining to be seen.

We started talking and I noticed your lovely accent and how comfortable you were sitting next to me.

you began reading a poem, and I could  feel the heat, a warmth coming from you

it was deep

you were so passionate.

You leaned a little closer, your emotions on display

it was beautiful, a care free nature void of anything missing, nothing lost

Realizing these things about you and feeling this warmth coming from you was difficult to process sitting there drinking at a bar.

Honestly, the last time I felt this level of attraction towards someone was a lifetime ago.

It was happening so fast

After noticing these things about you, and everything you were saying.

I could feel your peace inside of me, touching my soul as if that peace were now my own. 

In that moment I realized that every minute I spend with you will be one thats filled with my eternall gratitude